That Day

Today’s the day, that day. I kept repeating the mantra from the moment the first rays of sunshine revealed themselves from over the horizon. My whole life had been an act, but today that’d end—it was that day, the day to wake up, the day I’d cast aside my mask.

It was a dark winter morning, mere days ‘fore Christmas eve. A light snowfall brought the frozen landscape alive as I was venturing through the deep snow, the freezing air bringing a fiery red to my face. Walking was slow, every step a fight against the elements, but I would not falter—today was the day, that day, I repeated every step of the way.

Finally, I reached the school building; its yellow glow pierced through reality itself like a lighthouse showing the way. It was a small, quaint building, certainly smaller than most others, a few dozen students and just a few teachers. That smallness had its sides, for better and for worse. For one, it was hard to have secrets when everyone knew everyone. It was a curse, and when it befell on you all would be over. That happened to Matthew, when rumours started going around. Were they true or not, it hardly mattered when everyone knew.

I entered the building and was embraced by the warmness inside. I passed the principal on my way, he wished me good morning, I returned the courtesy with a small wave and a smile. I kept walking towards my home class, repeating my mantra once again: today’s the day, that day.

I arrived at the classroom, barely making it on time. A quick glance around revealed that he was not here—a major setback, I was no longer in control of the situation. Was today not the day after all?

To my luck I did not have to spend too long in my thought spiral because he arrived—late, but arrived all the same. Today was the day, that day.

He waved at me on his way to his seat. As per usual, he sat in the seat in front of me. In my mind I screamed—it was now or never. As if I possessed, no longer in control of my body with all its motor functions, I got his attention and he turned around with an asking expression on his face.

“I need to tell you something.”

“Shoot.”

My pulse was rapid, my chest felt heavy, I took a deep breath and I blurted it out.

“I’m gay.”

So, there it was, today was the day, that day, the day I’d tell him, the world. And now the world around was frozen; motionless and white.

I had said it.