To Understand

This sunshine of mine
That at times
Sinks into a dark abyss.

It drives me mad
Trying to understand
Its inner workings.

A hundred reasons;
Any number of them
Enough to boggle the mind.

I do not understand
What makes the world go around.
And I fail to understand
My own self.

What are these things within,
I ask again.
And the answers echo
Onto deaf ears.

Various colours
Dancing their dance;
And I'm left asking questions
With no easy answers.

I fail to understand
Many a thing
But I keep trying
All the same.

Slices of Ham

I thought I knew poverty
When mom sliced the slices of ham in half,
So they would last for double the sandwiches.

But a day came,
When we stopped buying ham at all.

And then we stopped buying bread.

A Meaningless Jog

Life is a meaningless jog
Through space and time.
It hardly matters
Who lives or dies.

But sometimes,

Sometimes there's a cat
That I wish to scratch,

Sometimes an afternoon
Is spent in good company

And sometimes
I crave a beer, and so I have one,
or two,

Or three.

There's that movie I wish to yet see,
And a game I have to finish.
A shelfful of books I have to read.

And whilst none of it
Has any real purpose—
Divine or grand—
It is fun to breathe,
So I keep going.

Turtleneck

I missed it all
Living in this shell.

Turtleneck.

I made hell
And here I dwell,
Dying.

Yearning

An insatiable lust and
Endless curiosity,
Faced with terror
Beyond relief.

What I yearn
And what could be,
But if I can, if I even should;
I cannot tell.