That Day

Today’s the day, that day. I kept repeating the mantra from the moment the first rays of sunshine revealed themselves from over the horizon. My whole life had been an act, but today that’d end—it was that day, the day to wake up, the day I’d cast aside my mask.

It was a dark winter morning, mere days ‘fore Christmas eve. A light snowfall brought the frozen landscape alive as I was venturing through the deep snow, the freezing air bringing a fiery red to my face. Walking was slow, every step a fight against the elements, but I would not falter—today was the day, that day, I repeated every step of the way.

Finally, I reached the school building; its yellow glow pierced through reality itself like a lighthouse showing the way. It was a small, quaint building, certainly smaller than most others, a few dozen students and just a few teachers. That smallness had its sides, for better and for worse. For one, it was hard to have secrets when everyone knew everyone. It was a curse, and when it befell on you all would be over. That happened to Matthew, when rumours started going around. Were they true or not, it hardly mattered when everyone knew.

I entered the building and was embraced by the warmness inside. I passed the principal on my way, he wished me good morning, I returned the courtesy with a small wave and a smile. I kept walking towards my home class, repeating my mantra once again: today’s the day, that day.

I arrived at the classroom, barely making it on time. A quick glance around revealed that he was not here—a major setback, I was no longer in control of the situation. Was today not the day after all?

To my luck I did not have to spend too long in my thought spiral because he arrived—late, but arrived all the same. Today was the day, that day.

He waved at me on his way to his seat. As per usual, he sat in the seat in front of me. In my mind I screamed—it was now or never. As if I possessed, no longer in control of my body with all its motor functions, I got his attention and he turned around with an asking expression on his face.

“I need to tell you something.”

“Shoot.”

My pulse was rapid, my chest felt heavy, I took a deep breath and I blurted it out.

“I’m gay.”

So, there it was, today was the day, that day, the day I’d tell him, the world. And now the world around was frozen; motionless and white.

I had said it.

Our Land

Oi maamme, Suomi, synnyinmaa

So sound those golden words,
The prelude to
What so effortlessly tries to describe
The very condition and soul
Of a people young and old.

Maa kallis isien

Behind a veil of gilded lies
Hides the ugly truth;
Our fall from greatness.
In this great Northern land
We lost our way.

So the light and glow dim
And all we love turns to ash.
And so your song, at last,
Disappears,
Fades away in silence.

A Christmas Feast

It was winter night, not long before Christmas, only a couple days away in fact. I was home, decorating the tree and putting up lights all over the house. I thought Christmas time was a wonderful time; it was so beautiful and peaceful and innocent, even if only for a brief moment. Everyone was happy and joyful, and there was no evil in the world.

The next morning, I set out towards the mall, my mind set on the mountain of presents and other supplies I was going to buy. On the road there I noticed a rugged man out in the cold; he was wearing a winter jacket but it was obvious he was naught but flesh and bone. With him was a child, couldn’t have been older than seven. What a vile man, forcing a child to be out there with him in the freeze and filth, I thought to myself. Probably lost his house due to drugs and alcohol and gambling, it was horrid. At least I cared enough for the boy to call the police—they could sort this out, find a loving home for that boy at least.

Soon enough I arrived at the mall parking lot. On my way inside I saw two men fondling each other. I was frankly appalled and disgusted, such unnatural ways should not be out here for all to see. Their sinful ways set a terrible example for the children. “What would drive a man to choose and lead a life like that was beyond my comprehension”, I snarked walking past.

Not discourages by the horrors I had witnessed I made my way through various stores, picking up presents: toys for the children and liquor and wine for the adults, and food for the feast I’d prepare—a feast the kings and queens of old would envy.

As I was nearing the final stop before leaving for home and the final preparations, I walked by a foreign couple, darker people, speaking some ugly language. An ugly language for ugly people, I thought. They were undoubtedly criminals, probably planning to rob the mall, or some poor innocent soul. I would do the community a service setting them straight. “You should speak English or you should not speak at all!” I proudly told them off. But I would not linger, for I had my errands, so I ran through them to the store.

With my errands then dealt with I set off back homeward. I had done all my shopping, so I felt good, but it was unbelievable all the hardship I faced today!

Early the next morning I began the war in the kitchen, slaving away preparing the Christmas meal. Potatoes; boiled and mashed and baked, half a dozen sauces and gravies, a whole turkey and a sizeable ham, not to forget the salads, nor the cheeses and fruits and desserts; not all I could even name. There was no rest ‘till it all was set on the table with all the associated wares.

The clock struck dinnertime, yet all the guests seemed to be late. Sure, my husband was on a work trip, had been for a few weeks, but everyone else should come. We had two beautiful children, and their families of course. My brother too, and my husband’s sister with her husband and their three sons.

They will all come soon, just running a bit late is all.